A Word on Rape
RK whisper Munich





RK whisper Munich


Author note July 23: Reposted after Rob went after paps in Malibu. Just cross K's name out and put his in. Same scenario, different day.

Whad'ya know. I managed to post TWICE in one day. That's unprecedented. Given my track record, that means I don't have to post again for another six months.

What has my purple lace panties in an oh-so-wormy wad? The outrage over the OUTRAGE over the pap pics coming out of the airport at Australia. You know the ones. Where Kristen is being all but marauded by a throng of paps, needing two private security guards and four police to escort her through the Sydney airport.  From late reports, a melee almost broke out, with fisticuffs, I might add.

So, why am I in such an outrage, you ask? Because of the paps? NO!

I'm raging because of the fans who are running off at the mouth "Fuck you, paps," "Paps Suck," etc. These fans are "heartbroken" over Kristen, they "saddened" and are "outraged" that she looks like the frightened deer in the headlights (and headlines) that she probably is in that moment.

And why are these fans the subject of my outrage? BECAUSE THEY ARE PART OF THE 
MOTHER-FUCKING PROBLEM. Cue self-denial loop. "Nope, not me" they whisper while giving me the finger.

You see, these same "fans" who wax poetic over their devout love for KStew are the first to get giddy at the pics of Kristen when she is happy, smiling, with or without her significant other; the pics taken by *whispers* the PAPARAZZI.  They are the first to squee, go ring-, necklace- and shirt- examining every time new pics come out.

So you see, in those instances, I guess those pap pics are okay. (cue sarcasm)

Translating into common sense speak: if you like what you see, then pap pics are okay. If you don't like what you see, then IT'S THE PAPS' FAULT. DOUBLE STANDARDS, MUCH?

Am I calling these people out? YES. And it's about time. It's the grand hypocrisy of this fandom that in one minute people outrage over bad pap shots, and then two minutes later tweet out an article from some gossip site or even a tabloid twitter account. Where do you think the blogs and tabs get their photos? That's right - THE PAPS.  

There is a simple economic truth across this globe, which is SUPPLY = DEMAND. Inherent in this truth is that the more something is in demand, the higher the price paid for it. This can be true for a commercial product, a rare art piece that sells for tens of millions of dollars on the auction block, or yes, even celebrity photos.

The paparazzi are paid tens and sometimes up to hundreds of thousands of dollars for that one photograph that will either show a celebrity in an uncompromising position with a supposed lover, interrupt a very private moment such as a vacation or a wedding, or even depict a celebrity in a position of indiscretion.

These photos are spread across the globe within minutes through the portal of the internet, editors no longer bound by the confines of decency. Most can post just about any and everything they want. And they do.

So the problem here lies solely WITH THE FANS.

If you don't like her misery, stop supporting it by clicking on the websites and gossip blogs that are supported by advertisers whose payments to said blogs fatten the pockets of the same paparazzi you hold so much disdain for. For every click on a photo, that's money that is going to that site. And the more photos, the more clicks, the more INCENTIVE the PAPARAZZI HAVE TO TAKE MORE PHOTOS.

Get it?  Supply = Demand : Demand = Supply

Until laws change, or the Federal Aviation Administration of the United States deems it prohibitive to allow paparazzi to take photos inside an airport, the problem persists.

But the bigger problem is the number of "fans" who still click on the websites, tweet out their links, buy the magazines and follow their tweets on twitter. WE ARE THE RAVENOUS HORDES WHO FEED THE UGLY BEAST.

So, given the economic construct above, were demand to diminish, then so would supply.

If paps can no longer profit from the photographs that they take of Kristen, and/or Rob and/or Kristen and Rob, then why bother taking them?

You don't see the same number of photos of Taylor. Why? Because comparatively, there's nothing there, there's nothing to profit from, there's NO DEMAND.

It's an evil truth that paparazzi exist in the world. But as long as there are laws protecting their rights (in the US, that's the First Amendment of the Constitution), then the problem lies not with the supplier, but with those who demand that supply stays largely in tact.

So for those who continue to bitch and moan and whine and Stew about the status of Kristen and/or Rob being papped, I challenge you this. Take one day. Just one single 12-hour period, and STOP going to those blogs. STOP right-clicking on the photos to add to your own supply. STOP adding them to your own blogs or twitter pages. And STOP linking to them in your own twitter stream.

Complaining will not get you anywhere. Action, one again, will speak louder than words.

If you want to be outraged at the paps, that's fine. But you need to look in the mirror first. That's where the outrage should lie. You can't blame the PAPS for a problem that you, yourselves, help create.

For more rageballing fun and f*ckery, follow me on twitter @alonelily.

(c) jlm communications 2010

Blipping the Fird: Kristen's Australian Avian Outbreak: CounterPoint
RK whisper Munich
WARNING: This blog post contains constructive criticism against Kristen Stewart. If you are one of those people who has vaulted her into demagogue status in your psyche then perhaps you should not read this, lest you *gasp* be offended by what I have to say. I offer rational and reasonable discussion here. I am not hating, nor calling names. If hate is your game, there are plenty of other places on the web where that type of piffle is offered. That being said, I welcome rational and reasonable comments. There’s no need for name-calling simply because you disagree with what I have to say.


Blipping the Fird. Counter Point.

I’m not sure just WHY the drama always puts words in my mouth. It just does.

Latest example? #Flippingthebirdgate. Otherwise known as “Kristen Stewart giving Aussie paps the double finger.”

Like everyone else in the TwiWorld, I have an opinion on the matter. Unlike everyone else, I was not quick to cheer, applaud or even support her action. My reason? It was an exercise in poor judgment.

Now, before you start filling my inbox or comments box with your own hateful words, here me out on the matter. You might find you agree with me on a point or two.

The paps are scum. We know this, we’ve seen this, we agree on this. I even defended Kristen’s ELLE UK comments to several people via my twitter account. In short, she said that looking at some papped photos of herself is like “watching someone getting raped.” Why? Because the paps are violently invasive. They create chaos in order to incite a specific reaction from a celebrity. They know what they are doing with their lurching, their goading, and their taunting. THEY WANT A REACTION. REACTIONS SELL.

Boring, bland photos of celebrities don’t fetch too many dollars (*ahem* Taylor Lautner). But catch a celeb doing “something,” macking on a girl/boyfriend, a nip-slip, a panty-flash, a drunk celeb swiping at the cameras, and there’s suddenly news. Paps love it when they catch celebs acting out. They thrive on it. Reaction shots are their money-makers, and the more virulent they become, the more media outlets pick up on them and the more money goes into the paps’ pockets.

So by acting out with her own F-You to the paps, Kristen was, in essence, paying them MORE.

But there’s another issue here, and one I feel is more important. That issue is personal power.

A wise person once told me: “We are not responsible for the actions of others. We are only responsible for our own reactions to them.”

This is, in many ways, a credo I tend to live by, and one that’s gotten me out of a few rather testy situations. The idea is that when you react negatively to something someone else has said or done, you are giving them power over yourself.

Pretty simple formula: They act +you react negatively (just as they want you to) = THEY WIN.

In Kristen’s case, not only was she giving them power over herself, she was putting more money in their pockets and giving them more fodder to write negative things about her; a lose-lose situation if you ask me (assuming you are still with me here).

I personally feel she is better than that and that she succumbed in a moment of weakness. It still does not excuse her behavior. She’s lucky she was in Australia, and not in a country where such a lapse in judgment may have found her in jail on a matter of indecency.

There’s no doubt in my mind that she was acting out in frustration. She had come off of a long flight, was likely jetlagged, hadn’t even changed clothes yet before she was whisked around to do some touristy things – right in front of the cameras, naturally. So in an instance where she finally had a bit of reprieve to snag a cigarette and perhaps a moment or two of quiet, there the paps were with their lurching, their goading and their taunting. It only takes one moment to snap, and double-snap she did.

There’s one other point here, and then I’ll have finally exorcised all I have to say on the matter.

Context. If the paps had snagged her in a non-working situation, say, at a bar, or at dinner with her closest circle, or in a moment of repose enjoying downtime on vacation somewhere, I probably wouldn’t be as passionate about my viewpoint here. As it was, however, she was on a work assignment, representing a company and promoting a film for which she is paid millions of dollars. Even if she wasn't specifically at a junket or promo event, she was, by default, still working, still acting as a representative of the company who is paying her. So yes, in a working context, she is expected to behave in a certain way, even when trying to sneak away for a cigarette break on her hotel balcony.

Does Kristen deserve her privacy? Yes. Just like any other celeb. Does she have that right now? Obviously not. In fact, I would bet money that currently she and/or Rob are probably two of the most-hounded celebrities out there, save for perhaps Angelina Jolie and/or Brad Pitt.

And here’s the final conundrum. It’s quick to put sole blame on the paparazzi, but what of we the fans?

How many of us have filled our bookshelves with copies of “Twi” special magazines or other tabloids (including US and People) where pap photos were included. How many of us visit blog sites, gossip sites and Twi-related sites to “get the latest,” including pap pics (even many on-set pics are papped). How many of us have squeed over, downloaded, passed along or retweeted some of these very pap photos which we claim to so revile. >>> GUILTY right here (*cough* Paris airport *cough*).

Even legitimate mags use pap photos from time to time. So by purchasing them and supporting these enterprises, we are part of the collective problem, and in a round-about way, she's lifting her fingers to us, too. Afterall, if it weren't for our rabid need for information on her, maybe the paps would at least give her the space she obviously craves.

End Note: She’s an adult. She's responsible for the way she behaves, especially in a working environment. That includes how she responds under pressure. It doesn't matter that she is "shy," or "sensitive," or "tired." Retribution might feel good for a single moment, but in the long run, it does more harm than good.

Hopefully, as she continues to grow and be more comfortable in her own skin, she’ll learn better how to “play the game.” Until then, she needs to keep her fingers to herself.

Want more of the fun and f*ckery? Follow me on twitter: @alonelily (18 and older only please)

© jlm communications June 1, 2010

A Word or Three (or Seven) on Hate
RK whisper Munich
Another day, another drama. Such is the life of a perpetual Twilight fan. I've been very remiss in this blog (in fact it never really took off) as, to be quite frank, I've been having way more fun on twitter having real conversations with real people about real issues - and sometimes a bit of Twi.

What's spurred today's utterances, you ask?


Four simple letters. One measly syllable. But, a lot of punch packed into a teenzy-tinzy word. In it's best form, it can be used to express extreme dislike for something. (God, I hate it when fanfiction.net doesn't send out update alerts!) In its worst form, however, it is a device to spread vitriol and incendiary comments about other people, often including the threat of violence.

And that's where the buck needs to stop.

In today's episode of "How the TwiWorld Turns," the hatred came about from some comments on an internationally-known film and movie message board wherein a poster made a comment about a photo manip involving ropes. The commenter made a statement about how said rope should be around the neck of Twilight actress Kristen Stewart. Of course, the comment was then shared across the interwebs, twitterverse and is now causing yet another rift in the already grand abyss known as the Robsten/Nonsten debacle.

Now, before we all start ranting and raving, I will fully disclose that I am a Kristen fan. Not a raging, ohmygawdIhaveahardonforhertwentyfourseven kind of fan, but I think the chick has got mojo, both in and out of the Twilight saga. She's not my ideal Bella (at least as I had pictured her from SM's books), but the girl has acting chops, despite what others believe, and as much as I might disagree with them, they have the right to their opinion. (And her Joan Jett was fucking for the win!)

The girl also supposedly has Rob. I'm going to say supposedly here because, while those who know me, know I am a Robsten "believer," I still realize that I'll never be able to 100% aver to their being together until they themselves confirm as such.

Now that's all out of the way, let's go back to this whole topic of hate, and namely what may inspire it.

There are several reasons a person may hate. But deep behind all of these reasons are deep-seeded feelings of inadequacy and fear. Inadequacy because whatever that person has that you happen to "hate," is something you yourself lack. A person who hates is someone who is PROJECTING their own self-loathing onto another person, whoever they may choose that target to be. A person who outwardly demonstrates hate is a person who is deeply hurting, and likely is a person who is deeply afraid of exposing themselves for who they really are (fear that people will see them and disapprove).

This is generally true across the board whether hatred be built for racial, political, religious or other reasons. People who hate, tend, by default, to lack the willingness to understand other people or their points of view. All they see is that a person (or persons) are "different" from them, and they fear that difference.

Hate manifested this way is a vicious nuisance. Hate manifested with threats of violence - whether meant as a joke or not - is something everyone should be concerned about, regardless on what side of the Twi fence you may find yourself.

What is most disturbing to me about the hatred hurled towards Kristen Stewart is that is is promulgated by other women; women who, by most reasonable assumptions, are (or at least claim to be) sane, rational and reasonably well-educated.

That being said, I find it really hard to believe that women who claim to be sane, rational and "reasonably well-educated" can condone the idea of hatred outwardly expressed towards another women, regardless of that woman's celebrity status. Let's face it. I can't stand Kate Gosselin within an inch of my life and while I thought she was horrible on Dancing with the Stars, I would never want to wish ill of her. In fact, I'd like for her to find some level of stability in her life so she can take care of her children (preferably in private). But I digress.

I once read a statistic that showed that every seven seconds in the US, a woman becomes the victim of assault. If this even comes close to echoing the stats put together by the National Organization for Women (http://www.now.org/issues/violence/stats.html), that's way too many. Statistics are even worse in other countries. So, when the cyber-bullies start acting out, and spewing their hatred and wishes of violence on others - including Kristen - they are going too far. They are doing themselves and their entire sex a gross disservice, and in that instance, they are not acting as sane, rational or even close to reasonably well-educated people. In that instance, they are acting as hurting, self-loathing individuals.

So, what do we do?

1. Think rationally. There's no point in trying to argue. They will not be swayed, no matter how reasonable the argument.

2. Ignore them. People who hurl insults at others and make outlandish statements do it for one reason and one reason only: to incite a reaction (Westboro Baptist Church anyone?) If you react TO THEM, you are only feeding into their pit of irrationality.

3. Pity them. Really. People who have to go to extremes by wishing violence on others are already deeply-hurting individuals. These aren't my words. Any sociologist, psychologist or mental health counselor would tell you the same thing.

4. The LESS of a reaction you have, the better chances they have of going away. The more you react, the more often they'll come back for more. They are addicted to the response and the validation they get from people trying to argue with them. It's like a high for them, and they will continue to push buttons until they get the response (and self-deluded sense of validation) they are looking for.

5. Don't yell, scream or hurl insults or your own version of "payback." You are simply lowering yourself to their level and in turn (and I'm guilty of it myself) rendering yourself a hypocrite. Touche, but true!

6. Remember this, always: Violence is in our words, not just our actions. By even talking about someone dying or wishing harm to another, we are already acting out in a violent way. It may not be physically violent (yet), but it is still violent.

Cyberbullies in particular are a definitive breed. They are often powerless to control what little they can in their own lives (studied facts, not just my opinion). They are fearful of being discovered. They were likely bullied or have been party to abusive behaviors themselves. That is why the internet gives them so much (perceived) power. They can come online and act out in retribution against that which has been done to them - except in an anonymous and "safe" environment. See, it's so easy to pick on people from afar. You don't have to overcome your fears that way.

Like them or not, however, they are likely here to stay, and we really can't control their behaviors - at least not directly. What we can do - in a sane, rational and well-educated way - is temper our own REACTIONS so we don't let the knee-jerking get to us.

If there is a sense that things are going too far, there are other means (contacting web administrators, etc.) - but that should only be done as a last course. In the case of Kristen, we need to trust that the people closest to her are: a) aware of what is happening: and b) taking care of her security needs. Outside of that, there's really nothing else we as fans can be doing.

The internet continues to be a place where opinions of all stripes and colors are free to be expressed. Like them or not, messages of hate are spread all over the place and from all different kinds of sources (and I'm talking way beyond Twiworld here). The best way to deal with it all (unless you perceive a DIRECT threat to someone) is to just let the haterz say their peace. They tend, for the most part, to exist in their own bubbles of hatred, and they will, if ignored long enough, implode in their own vacuums, and eventually go away.

With that on a cool and breezy April night, I leave you with love, as always ~ alonelily

ROB FOR People’s SEXIEST MAN ALIVE? Let’s add up the clues.
RK whisper Munich

So, People Magazine reveals their big “Sexiest Man Alive” issue tomorrow. And while those of us in Twiland believe it is a given that Rob will take the coveted Top Spot (and what a spot it is), the rest of the world is still a’Twitter about who the potentials are.

To keep the masses guessing, People Magazine, via their Twitter account @peoplemag, has been sending out clues throughout the week. Unless they have a J.K. Rowling-like prowess at throwing out red herrings, we can rest assured that Mr. Pattinson will take the much-deserved honor, and just in time for the “New Moon” opening on November 20. Coincidence? Hmmm, I think not.

Some people have already spotted the faux cover floating around the web, the one featuring one of the Bruce Weber photos from Rob’s recent Vanity Fair article (blue peacoat and come-hither stare, for those who want to know). People Magazine has put out a denial about said cover, but let’s look at how craftily they issued their response:

Via @peoplemag “Saw the cover. That’s not the real one, so keep your guesses coming.”

See there? Classic PR spin. Note they didn’t deny who the cover boy is, just that the cover itself isn’t the real deal. Rest assured, based upon the multiple clues they’ve been handing out over the week, Rob is the chosen one (as if we didn’t know)!

That said, let’s take a look at those crafty clues as tossed out via People’s twitter account.

CLUE #1 (tweeted ?)*

#sexiestmanalive has done TV AND movies.

Well, at first look, some might think this would automatically eliminate Mr. Pattinson on the fact that he's not worked as an actor on any TV shows within the U.S. Never fear, Rob fans. A cursory glance on his IMDB page shows that before he landed at Hogwarts or in Forks, Washington, he took a spin on the telly in his home country of England.

In 2004, he took the role of Giselher in the "Ring of the Nibelungs," a multi-part fantasy series based on a Nordic legend. In 2006, he played Toby Jugg, a paralyzed Royal Air Force fighter pilot who finds himself fighting demons great and small when he's left to the devices of a questionable staff in a convalescent home in "The Haunted Airman." The made-for-TV movie first aired on England's BBC TV. Finally, in 2007, he played the role of Daniel Gale in made for TV film "The Bad Mother's Handbook." The movie premiered on ITV in England on February 19, 2007.

As for the movies? Well, the list just keeps on growing!

CLUE #2 (Tweeted 11/13/09)

#sexiestmanalive is taller than @RyanSeacrest, not quite as tall as THE_REAL_SHAQ (that’s Shaquille O’Neill to those who aren’t part of the Twitterverse).

Rob is, according to his IMDB bio, 6’ 1” which puts him clearly head and shoulders above the lilliputian Seacrest (his IMDB page stats him at 5’ 8” but other reports say he’s much shorter) and not nearly as tall as the behemoth O’Neill, who charts in at an NBA-approved 7’1”, and wears a size 22 shoe (you do the math, ladies).

Of course, this doesn’t give us any true indication as to our new SMA, given that there are countless sexy stars in this height range, but let's see if when added with the others, this clue can measure up.

CLUE #3 (tweeted on 11/14/09)

#sexiestmanalive has roots outside the U.S.

For those who’ve been in the Robert Pattinson closet for the past three years, Rob hails from London, England. So, unless I woke up this morning in some parallel universe where the colonial militias indeed lost to the British during the Revolutionary War, effectively keeping us staunchly under British rule, then I would have to say that England is outside the U.S.

CLUE #4 (tweeted on 11/15/09)

#sexiestmanalive has proposed to at least one woman.

Well, now here’s a Red Herring, or is it? While Rob hasn’t had any fiancée of record, it is widely known amongst his fans that he has a quite a snarky habit of chatting ladies up with – yup – marriage proposals. Hey, noone said the proposals had to be the real deal. In fact, Rob’s fun little habit of faux-proposals has even become fodder for the popular fanfic story I Love L.A. by feathers_mmmm.

We also know that Rob admitted to having proposed to Kristen Stewart multiple times during the filming of “Twilight.” Of course, the proposals were in jest (check out his on-carpet interview during the 2008 MTV Movie Awards for confirmation), but nonetheless, Robbie boy has a penchant for popping the question, and has admitted to doing it to at least one woman – Kristen Stewart.

CLUE #5 (tweeted on 11/16/09)

#sexiestmanalive has starred in a blockbuster franchise. any guesses?

Um, er, gee. Nope. Can’t think what that would be. Don’t know what that would be at all. Don’t know of any blockbuster franchises that just happen to be premiering this very week in which the new #sexiestmanalive issue hits the newsstands. Nope, not a clue. Darn, I guess you got me on this one.

So, there you have it. The 2009 #sexiestmanalive has worked in television and movies, has roots outside the U.S., is taller than Ryan Seacrest but shorter than Shaquille O’Neill, has proposed to at least one woman, and has starred in a blockbuster franchise.

Unless, I’m missing the obvious, I’d say the cover belongs to a particular sparkly Vampire from Forks, Washington. So get ready for another magazine grab. Looks like this People will be a sellout!

* In my original post, I was not able to find the first tweet sent out by @peoplemag that hinted as to the #sexiestmanalive. I'm still not certain when it was tweeted. I've since edited the post to include that clue. Thanks to reader vaughanfan2004 for pointing that out and commenting.

© JLM Communications November 17 2009

My Take on the R/K Chatty Cathy Controversy
RK whisper Munich
Okay, so about a week after the fact, but on perhaps the biggest day of the “New Moon” year, I’ve decided to chime in about the whole Catherine Hardwicke “outs Robsten” deal in Time Magazine. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I really would love to sit down with her and just ask, under no uncertain terms “girlfriend, what were you thinking?”

Now, before all the haterz start hurling insults at me IN ALL CAPS about how Catherine brought us Rob, and how Catherine made this whole thing happen, let me say this: I have great respect for Catherine as a director. “Lords of Dogtown,” despite its flaws, is really a remarkable film. If you haven’t seen it, I suggest you do. And while “Twilight” itself is rife with sloppy editing, absurd dialog (another thing to thank CH for) and in some instances really stilted performances from the actors (I realize they had a very short timeline and almost no budget), the bottom line is, she brought the thing to the theater and got the madness off to a roiling start. Plus, she is a female, so I have to give her props for reeling one in for us girls.

As for her recent comments about Rob and Kristen in Time, and really any and all of her comments about their “are-they-or-aren’t-they” coupling over the past several months, to this I can only say “shame on you!” Why? Because as a legitimate film director, your job is three-fold: 1) take the script and source material and adapt it to the screen, 2) bring the baby in on time and under budget, and 3) promote the heck out of it when it’s time to do so. That’s it. Nothing more. Job over.

Chatty C, however, decided that promotion for her meant pushing the bounds of professionalism when it came to pimping out her two leads (and yes, I do mean pimp in the literal sense, too, since she continues to wax poetic about how she brought these two together). She seems to think that as the director to bring “Twilight” to the big screen, for which she’ll always be known, that she is within her right to talk about the private lives of her stars.

To this, I say, CC, it’s time to STFU!

I’ve read her multiple quotes to various entertainment sources over the past year, I read her recent interview in Time Magazine (and yes, that was an INTERVIEW – Time, unlike other “news” sources with questionable reputations, doesn’t go around and pull unattributed quotes out of their asses) and I’ve seen the preview of the MTV “Love Bites” show where she takes you on a tour of her house where she held the “chemistry auditions” (her words, not mine) between Kristen and the four final contenders for Edward. And the only word I can say about all of this is “ew.” Why, you may ask? Here are at least three reasons.

It’s inappropriate. I don’t know about you, but I don’t know of too many instances where it is appropriate for any adult to talk about the supposed or non-supposed sex life of a minor,* unless said minor is your own child or a close relation. And even then, the appropriateness of that conversation would only be dependent upon context. But for any adult to surmise or conjecture about the sex life of a minor and talk about it publicly, and even share details of it TO THE MEDIA is absolutely, positively inappropriate on every level. It crosses so many lines of basic public decency that I don’t even know where to start.

It’s further inappropriate to discuss and create conjecture about a relationship that the people in said (supposed) relationship are trying very hard to KEEP OUT OF THE PUBLIC EYE. If you know what’s going on (as you claim to), that’s great, but really, given the intense scrutiny that Rob and Kristen are already under, not just for the films, but for all of the other stuff they’re having to deal with in their still very young lives, do you really feel it’s your place to go flapping your gums about it every chance you get? I’m sorry lady, I’m not buying it. I may believe ardently in the First Amendment to our Constitution, but I also know that the freedom that Amendment gives us comes with RESPONSIBILITY, something you seem to be lacking in droves at this point in time.

It’s disturbing. It’s one thing to talk about the great chemistry between your lead co-stars and what that brings to the performance on-screen, it’s another altogether to continually pimp out a supposed private relationship as if you’d been in the room with them the first and/or every time they [name your thought here].

Case in point? The preview of that show you’re doing with MTV. You know, the one with the alleged first audition tapes between Kristen and Rob? Notwithstanding the fact that you have a kickass-looking house (i’mma get me some of those bookshelves), the way you gleefully plopped onto your bed to show the reporter where the “first kiss” took place was just creepy, as in pervy-porno-stalker creepy. As in, TMI.** As in, who does that shit? Oh yeah, you, a grown woman, does. And you get all smiley-excited about it. See? Ew.

While I will concede that this “moment” may be integral to the whole “Twilight” film phenomenon (that Meyer person still wrote the books, remember?), to see you joyfully bounce down on your bed to show us the exact place where “it all went down” is about as creep-tastic as it gets. You’re not a stalker, you’re a director. Act like one (see below).

It’s unprofessional. The film “Twilight” is done, finito, complete, over. In. The. Can. And, out of the theater, I might add. And in case you haven’t noticed, there’s this other film called “New Moon” that’s being premiered in about, oh, eight hours. In addition, the third film, “Eclipse,” has already wrapped. Both of those films were helmed by other directors, Chris Weitz and David A. Slade, respectively. Now, what you might NOT have noticed is the fact that neither of these fine directors has made it their business to cuss, discuss, jaw, jabber, prattle or gossip about the PRIVATE LIVES OF THEIR STARS.

Why? Because both of them understand what their roles are as directors (see paragraph 3, above). And last time I checked, gabbing about your stars’ personal relationships WAS NOT part of that job description.

Now, I’ve got to give credit where credit is due. Summit did ramp up security on both films, particularly with “Eclipse,” where people had to give up the rights to their first-born children should they breach the confidentiality agreements. And while I’d like to think that had much to do with the fact that very little idle chit-chat about any of the talent came out during the filming of these two movies, it also had much to do with the level of professionalism and credibility brought to the films by these two directors.

As you know in Hollywood, a director is only as good as his / her last film. It’s a fickle community. And while gossip may run rampant, on the more technical side of the camera, credibility is everything. You might like to think of yourself as the laidback-hipster-mama-cool-Cathycat-cougar director, but let us see that in your films, not in how you treat your stars. By lending credence to the gossip rags’ musings about the young people whose careers you have been entrusted with, you lose a great deal of credibility in my book. If I were an actor or said actor’s agent, I might, despite the great opportunity it may provide, not wish to work with you because of how you may talk about me (or my client) to the press. If I were a producer (you know, the people with the checkbooks), I’d be equally as cautious to work with any director who apparently has never heard the credo: “loose lips sink ships.”

So please, for the sake of all of us (and Rob and Kristen in particular), please shut up! It’s well time we turn the page on “Twilight” and let it slip blissfully over the horizon so that “New Moon” can rise.

Whew! Wordy, but I got it off my chest. Let the ranting begin.

*I know that Kristen is 19 years old. I also know that some of the comments CH made were about things that may or may not have happened during the filming of “Twilight,” when K was still only 17 years old, and considered a legal minor in the U.S.

**For foreign readers, TMI is an acronym commonly used in English. It means Too Much Information.

(c) JLM Communications November 16, 2009

NM Promo Appearances
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This is for my reference as everyone else's. Set your DVR's. It's gonna be a crazy week.

Nov/16 - Los Angeles - New Moon Premiere
Nov/17 - Los Angeles - Taping The Ellen Show
Nov/18 - New York - Late Show With David Letterman
Nov/19 - New York - Regis and Kelly | Today Show

TV appearences

Nov/16 Conan O’Brien and “The Tonight Show” Kristen
Nov/18 Late Show With David Letterman Rob
Nov/18 The Today Show Kristen
Nov/19 The Today Show Rob
Nov/19 Regis and Kelly R/K
Nov/20 The Today Show Taylor
Nov/20 The Ellen Show Rob (taped Nov 17)
Nov/20 Jimmy Kimmel Live R/K/T (taped Nov 6)
Nov/23 Late Show With David Letterman Ashley Greene

TBD Jimmy Fallon Late Night KS/TL/AG

Elle France article on Kristen Stewart 13 Novembre 2009 (Translation)
RK whisper Munich

Here's the ROUGH translation - still working out the kinks. See translator's note, below article. Not too much revealed. Obviously this was done earlier in the year given some of the info in it.

She lights up cigarettes one after the other
. Her slender legs in gray skinny jeans, an oversized t-shirt, and on her feet, Converse sneakers. She’s seated, with her legs (curled under her?) on an antique armchair in a suite of the Four Seasons of Beverly Hills. Kristen Stewart, nineteen years old, is not the type to greet you with a smile. Rather, to the contrary, she offers a small scowl. Interviews are not, frankly, her cup of tea, thanks to the paparazzi who’ve turned her daily life into that of a laboratory rat in sequins. As the opening of the second film in the Twilight Saga, “New Moon,” approaches, where [Stewart] plays the role of Bella, the heroine head-over-heels and impossibly in love with Edward, a 104-year-old vampire played by Robert Pattinson, she is now, more than ever, the object of obsession amongst fans, and the tabloids. Even her parents’ home (where she seeks refuge when she has nothing left in her own fridge), is under the shadow of the paparazzi lenses! Even the smallest of gestures between her and her co-star [Pattinson] are [blown disproportionately] into rumors about their real life relationship, [even gracing the cover of People magazine]. The two stars don’t travel on the same flights nor arrive together for press events, at the risk of creating riots! As a result, Kristen, a young adult* naturally more timid than extroverted, gives off an air in her own life like that of a wild cat. “I don’t live very well among this craziness. It’s absolutely crazy. I can’t even leave my hotel room,” she grumbles. No one really ever warned me that my private life would become a spectacle unto itself.”**

(Pourtant), the unspoken rules of Hollywood rules codes are not completely unknown to her. Kristen Stewart grew up in Los Angeles, in the San Fernando valley, known for its cool attitude and hot-bod surfer boys. From her earliest years she’s been immersed in the film industry, with a script-supervisor mother and a father who has worked as an assistant producer. But it was Kristen, who at the age of 5 years old, begged her parents to let her become an actress. Her parents took her at her word, and allowed her to be homeschooled (correspondence school) in order to devote herself fully to her work. And what success! At the age of just nineteen, she has the filmography of someone in their thirties; an impressive 23 films only eight years into her career! (Des seconds roles certes, but not aupres de sacrees pointures). To begin for Jodie Foster, where she played her daughter in the film “Panic Room” in 2002. Their resemblance is uncanny: they have the same feline quality about them, with a slightly turned-up nose and green almond-shaped eyes, even the same body-type, delicate and slightly androgynous. Kristen followed her debut with a small role alongside Sharon Stone and Dennis Quaid in "Cold Creek Manor," and subsequently played with Robert DeNiro in "What Just Happened."</st1:place></st1:city>”). In 2007, she took on the role of a sassy hippychild under the direction of Sean Penn, in the sublime “Into The Wild.” At times of scenes filmed in the middle of the desert and among (de caravans) she rose to stardom alongside the handsome Emile Hirsche, the hero in this journey (initiatique). “Obviously, I felt extremely (chanceuse) to be able to work with Sean Penn. He makes you feel like there is no one else for the role except for you, and gives you such great confidence, that you cannot help but give everything you have,” she recalls of the experience. “He speaks very little and gives you a lot of rope. But, when he does give you direction, it is with such strong conviction, that they could really propel you (láutre bout de la piece).

How did she (endosse) the role of Bella in “Twilight?” “I was never really a fan, I hadn’t read the books by Stephenie Meyer,” she reveals, “but as soon as I read the screenplay, I felt an immediate connection with the character of Bella, (a quelque chose d’envoutant). For “New Moon,” she had to transcend into a very dark place. “During filming in Vancouver, I (me suis donc repliee et moulee) in this very bleak and cloudy atmosphere. I would listen (en bouvle) to “Shadowplay” by Joy Division and “Blow It All Away” by Sia. This type of music correlated perfectly to the tone of the film Chris Weitz, our director, was trying to set.”

A línstar de son cult personality – the same as her lover Edward – does not (nárrive pas a cerner) (she’s the only whose thoughts he cannot read) - , Kristen Stewart is an introvert, as (insaisissable) as intellect/deep-thinking). She’s the type who picks up her guitar alone in her hotel room each night (she’s just finished filming a biography of rocker Joan Jett and played “Outside of film, my real passion is writing. It was one of my English teachers who really taught me the power of words. That’s when I realized I could really enjoy writing. XXX As soon as I get a script (in my hands), I start scribbling and writing down notes throughout, and afterwards I just forget them.” She is also always (se trimballe) with a small journal where she writes down her thoughts, “her vignettes” as she says. Her favorite author? “Henry Miller. He’s dark, difficult and very serious, and he speaks (de lui sans fard).” Finally, it’s perhaps because she’s grown up in a bath of (paillettes) that Kristen Stewart rebels so much against cultural codes.

As for her life post-“Twilight?” She hasn’t really given it much thought (three other films are anticipated in order to finalize the series created by Stephenie Meyer). She says to (fonctionner au feeling). At this moment, ironically, she dreams of a great adventure: “I dream about one day going to Australia, where my mother was born. Rent a car and just hit the road. There, people don't live in their heads so much. There's not so much of this (overriding/absurd) pressure to succeed or make something of yourself. You’re not obligated to (rentrer dans une case).

Article Elle France 13 November 2009 by Emmanuelle Dasque

Translation © by JLM Communications. November 14, 2009.

Translators note: There is a difference between translation (interpretation) and transliteration (the word-by-word conversion of a piece from one language into another). There are places where I took liberties to translate into something that sounded more “natural” to a native English speaker, or where clarification was needed. When translating, it is the job of the translator, to not just translate a piece word-by-word, but also convey the tone of the original writer’s work. Not all idiomatic expressions, for example, can be transliterated from one language into another.

A few examples of these types are below:

*post ado (adolescent) doesn’t really translate from French since “ado” is not used in English to describe a young person.

** mini-show – again, this phrase does not really have meaning or context in native English. As such, I translated the intent of the quote to mean “spectacle unto itself,” which makes more sense to a native English speaker.

Article Elle France 13 November 2009 by Emmanuelle Dasque

Translation © by JLM Communications. November 14, 2009.

Open Advice to KStew, from a PR Professional.
RK whisper Munich


Dear Kristen,

It’s been a roller coaster of a week, first with the Vanity Fair “denialgate” article, then with the exquisite Harper’s Bazaar photo shoot and accompanying article that scream “yes, we’re a couple.” In short, the Twi fandom, paps, media hounds and others are all in a tizzy with curiosities so on edge as to borderline rabid hysteria (really, we’ve already passed that point, but you get the idea).  So, humble PR pro that I am, I’m going to throw some cards on the table, see what you think, and offer you some basic advice on how I’d advise any of my clients to act – leaving my opinion of Summit’s and talent management’s handling of the matter out of it.

That idea? Transparency. I know, the dreaded “T-word,” as in the truth, or at least some semblance thereof. Now, I realize that the PR pros in Hollywood would likely take back my APR creds for even merely suggesting it, but in the sector in which I work, the truth is the only thing that matters. And guess what? It works!

Why? Because when you continue to evade THE BIG QUESTION with such morsels like: “We are. We Aren’t. I’m a lesbian,” the beast is never sated. So by offering only vague and sarcastic innuendo, you continue to add to the hype you want so desperately to go away.  Just throw it a pretty big morsel, say “no more,” then leave it at that (heck , it works for my dogs).

You even said yourself to Entertainment Weekly “I probably would’ve answered it if people hadn’t made such a big deal about it. But I’m not going to give the fiending an answer.”  It’s obvious you get the idea, but by continuing to NOT give into the “fiending’s” questions, you are just adding fuel to the fire, creating results you are not happy with.

So, for what it’s worth, here’s my advice.

Have your publicist arrange a sit-down “exclusive” with a respected nationally-known reporter (note: NOT entertainment reporter). My pick? Diane Sawyer. She’s sassy, genuine, approachable and knows how to deal with delicate issues far better than any of her other network counterparts. She’s also fairly soft, which is perfect for this kind of “outing.” Oh, and did I mention she’s married to a remarkably-talented stage and screen director Mike Nichols? As in, Academy-Award-winning director Mike Nichols? So yeah, I can give you a Hollywood spin afterall.

Here’s how my ideal interview on the subject would go (cutting past the other fluff questions no one cares about….):

Diane: So, here’s the big question everybody wants to know. Are you and Rob dating?

Kristen: Look, here’s what I’ll say. And I’ll say this once and for all. I’m in a deeply committed relationship with someone I’m very much in love with, and that person is very much in love with me.  We don’t feel a need to define it for ourselves, or anyone else. And we want to do everything that we can to keep it as real as possible, which means keeping it private. We both understand that fame comes with a certain price, and part of that price is giving a part of yourself over to the public, but certain things are sacred and worth holding onto – even if they’re just between you and that one other person.

Diane: So, is this person Rob?

Kristen: *blushes and gives us an awkward smile* I think the writing is on the wall, and has been for some time. It’s pretty obvious for those who are paying attention.

Diane: So, any talk about marriage or the future?

Kristen: *awkward eyebrow cringe* It is MUCH too early to talk about anything like that. I’m young. This relationship is young, and the intensity that is going on around us doesn’t give us a chance to think about those things. We’re just really enjoying being with each other and being in love. There’s nothing wrong with that. As I said before, we don’t need a definition. I mean, I’m only 19 years old. It’s really too early for me to think about things like that…not for several more years. What we have right now is something I cherish very much, but there’s no need to think about the future at this point. We are happy, and that’s all that matters, and that’s all I’m going to say about it from here on out.


So, there ya go. Cat’s out of the proverbial bag. I just gave you an out, a “get out of jail free” card, and you didn’t even have to bring up Rob’s name. Now, as to subsequent interviews with other media, here’s how that would go.

Media Junket / Press Conference / Promo / Fan Event / Whatever:

MEDIA PERSON 1: So, are you and Rob dating or in a relationship?

Kristen: I’m not going to speak about or give rise to any speculation about my personal life. I’ve said everything I needed to say on the matter.

MEDIA PERSON 2:  What about the rumors that you broke off with Michael to go out with Rob?

Kristen: Again, I’m not here to speak about my personal relationships.

MEDIA PERSON 3: Tell us about your relationship with Rob.

Kristen: …..*crickets chirp while you politely say nothing* Looks to your publicist to request next question and embargo all questions related to personal relationships.

So there ya have it. No more snarky comments (even though we love your snark). No more STFU’s (even though I’m holding my finger up right there with you). Eventually, you can train the hounds to stop asking if you just: a) get IT out there once and for all, and then b) REFUSE to speak of it ever again.

Will this stop the hounds from wanting to get their hands on EVERY SINGLE DETAIL of your relationship? No, but at least the ongoing rampant speculation of “are they, or aren’t they” would cease and people could focus on other things.

Then, hole up together a la Ryan and Scarlett, be happy and enjoy this time in your life.  

Oh – and just a touch of PDA wouldn’t hurt. Just sayin’. My bill’s in the mail.

© JLM Communications, November 6, 2009

My Current FanFic List
RK whisper Munich
Since I'm limited to only 140 characters on twitter, I thought I'd list out my current fanfic faves. I read most fanfics at www.fanfiction.net (easier accessibility from the iphone among other reasons). Some fics I can only get via Twilighted. Here are some favorite comedies, and drama / romances.  I'll cover the angst romances in a later post.

Note: I read Twi fics of all genres, but tend to stick to canon pairings, E/B in particular, and tend to stay away from slash and/or unusual pairings.  It's not for lack of trying. With only one exception, I don't read RL fic (robfic), although if you want robfic, I'd recommend I Love L.A. by feathers...mmmm, found on Twilighted.net.  She is also the author of Edward Wallbanger, noted below.

Also - ALL OF THESE ARE RATED M for mature due to sexually explicit scenes - so if you're not of age, then please don't read them!

Note about the jen lickability scale:  This is a rating for lemony goodness only. In other words, how sex-tastic is this fic? And by sex-tastic, I'm not just talking frequency, but quality of lemons, too.  5 stars will pretty much knock your socks off - tart and mouth-wateringly fresh! 


Edward Wallbanger by Feathers...mmm - AU/AH Edward +Bella   Comedy/Romance
Ficlink:  http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5072648/1/

We're just now getting going in this feisty fic that features probably the sexiest Edward in ficdom (srsly, this is my DREAM Edward). If you like your Edward funny, charming, fit, outdoorsy and creative, this is your man (I mean, who CAN'T fall in love with a frikkin' National Geographic photographer - I'd be all over that!) He's HOT! And knows his way around the bedroom (don't they all?)  Bella is funny, smart, engaging & feisty and is learning how to push just the right buttons with her nocturnally-active neighbor.  This fic is loaded with sexual tension and chemistry abounds. Unusual pairings re Alice/Jasper and Rose/Emmett create some fun twists that are still to come.  Some of the best sexting conversations ever. This is one of my "oh my god, please update NOW" fics - and the only fic I actually have printed out to read and reread and reread.  No real lemons yet, but the chemistry is so think they are bound to be fuck-tastic. Five stars on the jen lickability scale (and we haven't even gotten to real lemons yet!)

The Screamers
by kiyaraven  AU/AH  Edward+Bella   Angst/Hurt/Humor with loads of lemony goodness.
Ficlink: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5081258/1/   Follow her @kiyaraven on Twitter.

Hands down, one of the funniest and most engaging fics out there.  When angsty rockstar Edward (aka Asstard) happens upon a homeless Bella (Piss Girl) in the alley in which she dwells, love and chaos ensue. An imaginative, funny and poignant fic on what it means to face your inner demons and find yourself in order to find love.  Equal parts angst and humor, with plenty of lemony goodness (5 stars on the jen lickability scale!)  Probably the best Alice in all of AH ficdom, and a hysterical sexually-ambiguous Emmett, and a regular appearance by an funny and engaging Rob Pattinson. This fic has my ass. Almost complete.

Mr. Horrible by algonquinrt (follow her @algonquinrt on twitter).  AU/AH Edward + Bella  Dramedy/Romance
Fic link:  http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4953962/1/

Christ on a Christmas Tree if this isn't one of the most original Bellas in all of ficdom.  When Bella, a gal from the "wrong side of the tracks" meets Edward, CEO of the internet's hottest social networking company, hilarity is the only place to go.  Narrative is engaging and language is immensely creative and original.  A funny fic filled with love, laughter and a a few yummy lemons thrown in for good measure (and great reading). You'll never contemplate tuna casseroles or Hermes Birkin Bags again without thinking of this fic. Four stars on the jen lickability scale.


THE OFFICE by @tby789  (follow her @ tby789 on twitter).   AH/AU, Edward + Bella
Fic link
: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4871509/1/

Holy lingere if this isn't the most smut-tastic fic out there. In a word, it is FUCKHAWT.  The fandom is all a-twitter about this fic, featuring Edward as the Beautiful Bastard, gorgeous, engaging COO of the Masen Corporation. Bella, the BB's Executive Assistant is sexy, beautiful and smart. When their chemistry ignites, the heat is on to see who will finally cave and give in to their true feelings in this sextacular, panty-ripping take on love in the corporate world.  Not for HR Managers or Sexual Harrassment consultants (ha!)  Chock full of delicious lickable Lemony Goodness.  5+++ Stars on the jen lickability scale. Damn, it's a whole lemon meringue pie! (And for extracurricular fun, there's an extra-tart lemon posted on Twilighted.net's Friday Free For All link (but don't read if you haven't read The Office).

TROPIC OF VIRGO by In.A.Blue.Bathrobe
Fic link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4901517/1/

One of the most engaging and beautifully-written fics out there. The poetry alone is worth the read, and the author's prose, simply exquisite.  High school junior Bella Swan is getting ready to start a new life in Forks, Washington. Shy and somewhat reclusive, Bella longs to be able spread her wings and find her own voice (literal and figerative) as she sets forth on a new venture in life. Will an encounter with an online stranger give her the strength she needs to change her life and open her heart to real love? 5 stars for lemony goodness.  Another 5 stars for an amazing soundtrack.  Once again, the poetry is really beyond compare. In.A.Blue.Bathrobe has an imaginitive voice that will carry her well beyond fanfic writing. Simply sublime.

I'll post more tomorrow!


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